23 May 2005

May I take a second to whine...

I don't want to be a big baby, but I have to whine about how I have been feeling physically. I have fibromyalgia, which is worse when the weather is cold and rainy. Since I live in the Pacific NW that is pretty much all fall,winter, and spring. (And yes, I do realize I am certifiably insane for moving from one land of low pressure systems to another...) I really lucked out this winter with the unseasonably dry and warm weather we had. Had I known what meteorlogical hell awaited me in the past couple months I would have planned ahead a bit. (yeah, right - me not procrastinate! There's a thigh slapper!)

The past few weeks have been particularly nightmarish. I have been in so much pain. If you don't have fibro, I am not sure how to explain it. Remember the last time you had a really bad aching flu? Where every muscle in your body screams in pain and doesn't want to move. Where you hurt all the way down to your finger tips and toes. That is sort of how it is. It sucks. Really really sucks. Another fun symptom of fibromyalgia is non-restful sleep. You foolishly go to bed and think that you will awake rested, only to find that the sandman has driven a bulldozer over your body while you slept (if you are lucky enough to sleep as the pain makes all sleeping positions uncomfortable). I try not to whine about it. Some days I do better than others at keeping it to myself. Since there isn't a whole heck of a lot for me to do about it I figure complaining is counter productive. But then again, if I didn't mention it to at least my family and close friends they might wonder just what crawled up my butt and died. Pain does not make me smiley and carefree. It makes me rather grumpy as a matter of fact. And I am sure that many a grumble and curse has been muttered at my low productivity level when I am having a bad flare up. Axel probably wonders why I don't do more. The answer is simple - I can't. I just can't. It hurts to move. It hurts to not move. Oh - and I almost forgot - stress makes it worse. Ha! Between the lousy ass weather we have been having and all the stress we are under with our impending move..... OY! or should I say OUCH!

Last week my hip started hurting too. Joint pain is not part of fibromyalgia so I am not sure what is causing it. I have had the pain intermitently for several years, but until now it is only after sitting in one position for more than 30 minutes (like in the car) and resolves after I take a few steps. But last Sunday it started hurting really badly and took almost 3 days to resolve. I had maybe 12 hours of relief and it started again. It has continued to hurt and still hurts today. I have seen my chiropractor and she doesn't feel it is due to any misalignment. That worries me. I am trying really hard not to be a paranoid hypochondriac, but visions of an arthritic hip is freaking me out. I am only 38 and have plans to be healthy and active right on into my golden years. Hip pain is such an "old persons" complaint. I guess I need to inform my hip that I refuse to get old - at least for now.

So there is my whine for the day. It feels good to get it out. Now back to my regularly scheduled mirth and merriment....

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