While sorting a stack of paper scraps and other junk that have been collecting at the side of my bed today I found this poem. Written on a piece of paper long ago. The paper tells a story of coffee cup rings, splatters, and other scars of frequent reflections on its beauty.
what the mirror said
listen
you a wonder
you a city
of a woman.
you got a geography
of your own.
listen,
somebody need a map
to understand you.
somebody need directions
to move around you.
listen,
woman,
you not a noplace
anonymous
girl;
mister with his hands on you
he got his hands on
some
damn
body!
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But this just deserved a place of recognition. It is absolutely hysterical considering that I spend several years wasted out of my mind ON PRESCRIPTION ANTI-DEPRESSANT DRUGS and it was only after I kicked the to the curb and endured painful withdrawl that I felt human or happy. Perhaps the shelter of mother's little helper is not such a bad idea. Mommy could sure use a time out!
It seems to be my mantra these days - I am busy! I love being busy. While not exactly a type-A personality, I do place quite a bit of value on working on things that I am excited about. I seem to be in a domestic phase - which is good seeing as how my work is mothering. Yesterday I decided that it was time that I stopped feeling guilty for really loving what I do. No need to make it harder than it is, or resist aspects of it (the less joyful tantrums and not so glamorous potty dealings for example) in some perverse effort to increase its work legitamacy. Someone should be so lucky as I am to know that while it is constant, demanding, and exhausting - the joy that comes by result of my labor is tremendous.
And lest you wonder what rose colored glasses I am looking through, let me assure you that I too, just like almost any other mother, feel the desperate urge to run screaming from the house at various points during the day. Thankfully I am able to restrain myself from doing so thus-far. Remembering the rewards of the whole of mothering brings a very complete feeling to my soul.