The Force was with me

Today I used the Force. I did not allow any Jedi mind tricks to be played on me. For this I am thankful.

posted by Unknown at 5:24 am | | 0 comment(s)

One of those days........AGAIN!!!!????!!!!!

At one point does it become no longer "one of those days" and turn into something bigger that needs addressing?

I was going to write about the day getting off to a less than lovely start. Kiah burned herself on the iron, I knocked a 1/2 gallon of milk off the shelf of the refridgerator and onto the floor, Anja begged for scrambled eggs for breakfast then proceeded to refuse to eat them when I gave them to her, I burned my toast.....and this was all before 8:30 this morning. I want to crawl back into bed and hide, but not really. I know that even trying to relax just results in conflict with Anja. She is in such a 'go-go-go' stage and I am having a devil of a time keeping up with her needs.

I just don't know how other WAHMs do it. When I worked out of the home it was neatly defined between work and home. My time with the kids was just that. My time working was just that. Now it is all jumbled and so hard to sort out. I try to set specific times to work and to be "with" the kids, but it rarely, if ever turns out to work that way. My 'schedule' is definately written in pencil......and it seems like my kids have control over the eraser.

Mondays are hard, the holiday season is hard, being a WAHM (and any other type of mother too for that matter) is hard. Life is just so !)#*@) hard. I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "You know I really am happy with my life but WHY does it have to be so damn hard?"

WHY?

posted by Unknown at 5:59 pm | | 0 comment(s)

I want to be a little girl again!

I just love making little girl toys and clothes! There are some really great materials to work with these days that are so much more widely available these days than there was when my older girls were little.

Just got done making this kitchen set for a gift exchange I am participating in. I picked up all the tiny items at Cost Plus World Market and made a table/picnic cloth out of a patchy fairy print fabric I had in my stash along with a couple coordinating print cloth napkins. The little bowls are just barely 2.5 inches across to give you some perspective on how big things are. (the cloth and napkins are folded in quarters in the picture) The tiny measuring spoons are labled PINCH, DASH, and SMIDGEN - perfect for little chefs! Simple to do with the rolled edge hem function of my new serger. I am having so much fun making things!

It is for a 2 1/2 year old girl who likes to play cooking. I think she will like it because Anja keeps telling me it is HERS and wants to play with it! I think there might be one in her future!

posted by Unknown at 7:28 pm | | 0 comment(s)

It snowed here today

Snow in our area is rare. The mountains are about an hour's drive away, which is about as close to snow as we usually get. Even more rare is for it to snow before Thanksgiving day. Today, however, Mother Nature was feeling mischievous and she snowed on us!

Axel took Anja outside to play in the snow. He got her all bundled up and off they went to play in what could easily be the only snow we see this year. If you ever wondered what a child who has lost all feeling in their fingers look like, that ought to remind you! Poor thing. We didn't have mittens to fit her yet this year. Heck, we don't even have any that fit her last year because it didn't even snow once. Snow laden branches gave way and knocked out power for a short time. Of course that was all that they needed to cancel school for the day. No one over-reacts like a Portlander in Snow!

posted by Unknown at 6:16 am | | 0 comment(s)

I am just so proud I had to share!

Take a look at the Father Winter Doll that I just made. This is my first attempt at a Waldorf style doll of any kind. I am in love! sigh. Yet another project to keep me busy. As if I needed another one - oh well - I will never be bored anyway.

posted by Unknown at 4:58 am | | 0 comment(s)

Oh what a week this has been

My cranky toddler, who so desperatley needs a mid-day nap took exactly zero naps this week. She needs a daily nap, and ****I**** need her to have a daily nap. I have too much to do for her not to take a nap. She is my priority (as are all 3 of my children), but not my only responsibility. I am also working long hours launching my new business, have a lot of sewing I need to do for my family and friends, and am studying for my childbirth mentor certification. Not only do I get behind in my work when she doesn't nap, but she also gets increasingly difficult because she is tired, and I get less patient with her because I am stressed out. It is just not a good thing.

I have come to some hard decisions regarding some toxic relationships. I have finally reached a point of self-confidence that I can let go of those that are harmful to me. Until now I was hanging on out of desperate hope they would get better, and I was hanging on out of fear that I somehow needed these relationships to be happy. Twisted. So now I decided to let go of them. Wish me luck. I know I can do it, but can take all the support I can get.

Our house is so so very far away from where we have the most activities and friends. I drive a ridiculous amount of time to get most places. Our local community just does not have the type of resources that we need. The place we live is far from the people and places we want to be near, and close to those we don't. It isn't feasible for us to pack up and move at this point, but in many ways that would be the best thing. But it ain't gonna happen unless something unforseen occurs.

Sleep has not been a friend of either me or Axel this week. Both of us tossed and turned, waking each other up as we did. On the rare occasion we both fell asleep the peace was short lived. Anja didn't do too well with her night sleeping this week either. I think it probably has to do with being over tired. We have all been extra tired and a few of us have been fighting a cold which just makes it harder.

Today I volunteered at a carnival to raise money for outdoor school. One of the few redeaming programs in the public education system around here is the victim of budget cuts. So I stepped up to lend a hand to the effort. I was to work for 2 hours. I chose the shift that I needed in order to be home in time to cook dinner for the family. 2 turned to 4 as my replacement never showed up and no-one 'in charge' noticed until 10 minutes before the carnival ended. I couldn't leave my post to find out what was going on or tell someone I needed to leave. My job consisted of walking back and forth the length of this giant inflated obstacle course thing as I released 2 sugar-hyped and over-stimulated middle schoolers at a time to race each other inside of it. I had to closely monitor where each set of kids was to avoid a pile-up of kids. There were also a couple of wild pain the ass boys who kept jumping in from the exit and causing mayhem. I told them if they didn't quit it, they would be 86'd from there. They looked at me like I was from another planet. I was later informed by hipster pre-teen daughters that they have never heard the expression to be "86'd" and that it was something that only old timers like me know about. I am an old-timer I guess. And it has definately been too long since I myself was 86'd from an establishment.

oh, and I am also in the throws of one whoppin' case of PMS.




Like I said....Oh what a week this has been.

posted by Unknown at 6:05 am | | 0 comment(s)

This just in....

This from Being Daddy.

The rumors are true. Sources have confirmed that The Wiggles have broken up. Certain to shake up the world of manic, migraine inducing children's entertainment. Time to buy out the videos at all the discount stores and hoard them for e-bay!

posted by Unknown at 8:32 am | | 0 comment(s)

Should I be concerned?

According to my stats, in the past few days this blog has been referenced in searches for:

Living With A Busy Spouse

Failed As A Parent

Sewing Training

Appetite Supression

Theater of Sheep

Things that make you go hmmmmmmmmm

posted by Unknown at 8:10 am | | 0 comment(s)

Dreams of homeschool

I want so badly to homeschool my daughters. I will be homeschooling Anja, but Dylan and Kiah have been in public school since day one and I just don't know how to make the transition, especially as they are getting into the higher grades and all that comes along with that. My strongest reasons for wanting to homeschool them are along the lines of what they will get at home rather than what they won't get in school. There are so many positives to homeschool and it seems less and less to be thrilled with public school.

I have discussed it with them, and they are really basically in favor of the idea except that they are afraid they would really miss their friends from school. Sure, they can visit after school and on weekends, but what they are really concerned about is more along the lines of missing the social system of the school. One of the very things I want to keep them out of. The social climbing hell that is middle school/junior high is nightmarish. I have seen on more than one occasion my smart, beautiful, friendly, outgoing daughters be reduced to piles of sobbing blobs because of some crap that went down at school. It breaks my heart. However much it hurts them though, they are wrapped up in it and convinced that removing themselves from it will somehow ruin their social lives forever. You cannot tell a child their age that they won't even know if most of these people are even alive by the time they are adults. The wonderful adolescent mind tricks them into believing that the happiness of the rest of their lives is determined by who sat next to you at lunch.

They do so well in school, but honestly the real learning that they do comes not so much from the lessons of school, but from their own curiosity and exploration of the world. All the good grades they get, honor rolls, and other "indicators of progress" to me are basically empty symbols. For the most part it only indicates that they can take a standarized test well since their entire curriculum is based on teaching so that they will pass the test. They are not being taught so that they can actually LEARN something. Yes, I praise them and honor the work they have done to achieve these symbols. As long as they are in the system they need to be able to "prove themselves" this way. It makes me sad.

School was closed today so Dylan and Kiah accompanied me and Anja to Shining Star School. They had a great time! And they even learned some things as they made their own knitting needles out of wooden dowels and began learning how to knit. Some may scoff at this, but even beyond the practical use of such a skill comes so many more valuable life skills and lessons. They came home practised for hours! My internet junkie kids voluntarily chose to sit on the couch with me and work on their knitting skills! Unbelievable! They were also great helpers with the other little kids there and enjoyed being able to put their "grown-up-ness" into use.

After we were done at Shining Star we went to the natural foods co-op where the days learning was continued in a discussion of what GMO meant and why it is a bad thing. Science, social responsibility, nutrition - all packed into an simple trip to the store. How cool is that?!!!

I cannot begin to tell you how much it warmed my heart to experience all of this today! Yet broke it at the same time because I know that in a couple days they will be back to the habitrail halls of their institutional school.

posted by Unknown at 7:56 am | | 0 comment(s)

I am tired

Yesterday while I was driving home from my acupuncture appointment I very very briefly nodded off when I was driving. I had not had any coffee at 1:00pm and was all relaxed from my treatment. I freaked out! It was barely a nod, more like a space out, but even so - it scares the crap out of me!

I drank cofee today and managed to get to the shop to pick up my sewing machine which is at long last tuned up and ready to roll. I am giddy with anticipation! I made a brave attempt to make a quick swing into the grocery store with Anja. I dread taking her to any store, most of all a large one with lots of lights and thousands of product labels screaming at her. She is just waaaay to stimulated. But I risked it. For the most part she did an amazing job. She even told me when she needed to use the restroom and was able to hold it until we got there from clear across the store. Things went downhill from there and my strongest instinct was to just pay and get the hell out of there. Of course in my rush to leave I realized only after I had my cart unloaded and was checking out that I forgot one of the primary things I needed at the store in the first place! UGH! I need Borax in order to do laundry or run the dishwasher. I make my own mixes for these and borax is a primary ingredient....and I am OUT!

I take this as a sign that I am not supposed to clean the kitchen or do laundry. I am supposed to come home and curl up next to my daughter and page through a magazine or daydream....or even take a nap!

posted by Unknown at 11:05 pm | | 0 comment(s)

Sometimes it takes a big brick hitting you on the head

I guess I am just a little slow. The Prince Consort tells me, my friends tell me, my therapist tells me and I even tell myself, but I never seem to get it. Until now. There is a very clear and obvious reason that I have a parlyizing fear of failure. It creeps into my dreams of things I want to do, taking over slowly but firmly until I have convinced myself to not even bother trying because I am just going to fail. No try=No fail. It sucks. I am determined to overcome it. Last night I got hit with the proverbial big brick on the head. It went like this:


The Goddess: Yes, I have been very busy lately. I am working on getting a new business started. I am going to be doing "XYZ", followed by a brief description of my plans.(details omitted until I am ready to unveil to a larger audience).

The Guilty Party: What is this going to cost you? Said not just with caution or concern, but with ridicule.

The Goddess: With blood boiling and head spinning with insult and anger Give me some credit will you? For god's sake, it isn't like I am some ignorant fool who is going to fall prey to a scam.

The Guilty Party: Well, you know the guy on TV who sells the packages that teach you how to buy real estate for profit, his program that costs $179 is selling on ebay for a penny!

The Goddess: That's nice. But no need to worry, this is not real estate, it is not a 'get rich quick' plan, it did not come from an info-mercial.

The Guilty Party: continues on with some witty anecdote about fools and their money

At this point I have stopped listening. My mind has left the building and I am envisioning myself sitting on my therapist's couch telling her about this episode. Another tale of woe to add to the long list of grievences against The Guilty Party. I can hear my therapist now..."What did you expect? When in your life has this person been supportive of something YOU believed in? Isn't this the person that just one week ago told you flat out that they have not ever and will never listen to you?" It is true. I walked right into this brick. It hurts, but I am not surprised.

It won't happen again. The brick has done its job.


Oh, and about my new venture....you can get a sneak peak here. Be sure to stay tuned for more updates!

posted by Unknown at 4:30 pm | | 0 comment(s)