Just a Tad Bit Busy

Oops, an entire week got away from me between now and the last time I took time to write. I got caught up in one of those times when there is too much thinking to allow for any documentation of the thoughts. So much has been occupying the physical space of my days that I would have assumed that I would check out on the mental and spiritual fronts. Much to my surprise and delight I have been able to work on my awareness and presence in what I am doing during my day. I am working at making all aspects of my life more connected rather than how they have become so disjointed over the past couple years.

Speaking of disjointed, I am realizing more each day just how truly disjointed I am from my past. I have known that there are gaps, but had skipped over them and dismissed them as unimportant ordinary things. What I was didn't realize before was just how important every day ordinary things really are. Those are the true keys to who we are and why we do what we do. I don't remember so much of my past ordinary things - some very extraordinary "ordinary" things such as the two years of marriage before my youngest was born. I don't recall the magic and hope of falling in love. I am missing my older childrens' years as small ones. I look at many pictures of my life and feel like an outside observer except that the part of me that "knows" I should remember these things nags and pokes at me because I do not. I read a journal entry that I wrote the day before my memory was begun to be erased. I wrote that if I were to forget everything that I knew, the one thing I took the time to record just in case I did, was that I love my children and my husband with all my heart. That was all that mattered - the rest was icing. Well, now that all is said and done and my memory is not whole, while I feel no less love for anyone, I so deeply regret that I cannot remember so many of the occasions in the past that we shared and that helped love grow for us all. It is a very difficult way to learn the importance of living in mindfulness. It leaves me with a very clean slate.

posted by Unknown at 9:53 pm | | 0 comment(s)

Busy busy busy

Everything - everylittle thing from Goddess In Training #3 deciding that a nap was not for her all the way to the power going out no less than 10 minutes after she finally gave way to exhaustion and stayed off only until it was back on for 5 minutes - everything was worked cooperatively to keep me away from my computer today. Not even a quick dash to check email until this point. I did, however, draft and complete a pattern for toddler training pants today. I figured I made my own diapers I may as well not stop at that. I am now on a mission to create as many of these pairs of pants that I estimate I will need to last between wash loads. Eegads that is alot! I also need to finish up with a ton of pjammas that I am making for my family and some friends. The chill is in the air and we need to start gearing up for the cooler days ahead. GIT #3 also desperately needs pants so I am going to experiment with toddler sized yoga pants and drawstring cargos. Should be fun. And it should definately keep me busy with all the other stuff (like finish making my pattern for and sewing 12 butterfly wash mits for a gift swap along with making bath bombs for the mama side of the swap!) oh - and the everyday stuff that I do just gets fit in there however it can.

Blogging may come sporadically during this time. But keep checking back because I will have much to tell when I do get around to it. (or maybe not, but check back anyway.)

posted by Unknown at 4:44 am | | 0 comment(s)

There has to be ***SOME logical explanation.....right?.....

Why, in what alternate universe is considered appropriate whilst you are coming to the end of more than a week of child-free activity, play, and sleep to phone your spouse and

A)Reply that you are "really tired because riding a bike for 6 days is just too much or

B)suggest that the spouse who - stayed at home to care for the children, keep house, grocery shop, cook, run a business,help with homework, go to ridiculous waste of time open house at child's school with a 2 year old, work in the garden, do laundry, sew, and try to get some sleep in there too if she could and deal with anything else that might come up oh and did I mention is feeling a nasty cold coming on - suggest that she drive alone with a 2 year old for 6 hours to the middle of nowhere that is way far Eastern Oregon tomorrow after she drops off the older kids at a friends house because YOU miss her (but not the kids as you were sure to point out in a conversation earlier in the week when you said, "I miss you but not the kids and responsibility.").

?????????????????????????????

Un-freaken-believable.

posted by Unknown at 2:35 am | | 0 comment(s)

Nap Time

I am once again relishing in the wonder of naptime. That idylic time of day when Goddess in Training #3 closes her eyes for the first time since she awoke at 5:30am. I tiptoe out of the room to avoid waking her and once past the door and down the hall I breathe a sigh of relief. Then begins my time to do all those things that the company and assistance of a 2 year old make them difficult to maneuver. Quick check through my various email accounts, scan posts on message boards and groups that I belong to. Maybe take a minute to write one response. Read through my must read fellow bloggers. Do various chores such as take out the garbage or do dishes and mop floor. Any time left is spent holding my breath while sitting in my chair doing as close to nothing as I can.

I must go now and complete my chores so that I may soon enjoy the joy of doing nothing for a few priceless moments.

posted by Unknown at 10:04 pm | | 0 comment(s)

Esoteric conversation with a 2 year old

Me: Don't hang on that please.

Goddess In Training #3: Why?

Me: Because it is not made for little girls to hang on and you might break it.

GIT#3: Mommy, What is it?

Me: It's a towel rack, sweety.

GIT#3: Why?

Me: Because everything has to be something and it chose to be a towel rack.

End of conversation. If only everything was that simple.

posted by Unknown at 10:13 pm | | 0 comment(s)

What has happened to me?

I was a kick-ass, do-it-all-myself single parent for several years. 5 years ago I met, and soon married Prince Consort. In that time I have completely become a total wimp. That is to say I am just no good at doing this alone any more. PC left for a 7 day bike trip that he will actually be gone for 10 days if you count travel and pre/post trip uselessness. I am freaking out. Already today - just under 12 hours since he has been gone and I am wondering how on earth I am going to survive this. I suppose it is made worse by the fact that I am isolated here in suburbia. During my days as a single mom I pretty much always lived in close proximity to my friends and within a couple minutes of various urban attractions. Now it takes 40 minutes driving to reach a friendly soul and the closest "attraction" (if you coud call it that) is a crappy ice-cream store next to the Blockbuster and a vacant building where a locally owned grocery store used to be. woo hoo. Yeah, that is what I need to lift my spirits...a big scoop of frozen-fat-butt-former and a stupid movie to sit upon said fat butt for a few hours. Of course, with a 2 year old there is very little real chance that I will actually be able to SIT for an entire movie.

I guess the biggest problem I am anticipating with this mini single parent stint is the sheer boredom and loneliness of it all. Even when I am irritated with Prince Consort and want nothing more than to hide in my room with the door locked (or rather - imagine the door is locked since we don't actually have a door knob on our bedroom door...). Even then I can take comfort in the fact that a real living and breathing adult person whom I find quite interesting and comforting is mere steps away. My formerly single and strong self is ashamed and embarrassed. What sort of pathetic excuse for a righteous woman am I?

posted by Unknown at 3:19 am | | 0 comment(s)

I miss my kids!

It has only been two days since school started and already I found myself crying out of lonliness today. I miss my little goddesses! I am trapped out here in suburbia in the land of soccer moms and righteous church ladies. I can blend in when I need to wage a stealth attack and I enjoy raising eyebrows and giving them all something to gossip about with my strange dress and parenting choices (ie. why on earth do I subject myself to cloth diapering when disposables are so much easier, or how can I give my older kids the freedom to express their opinions when we all know that is just opening the door to juvenile delinquency....) but when it comes down to my need for real friends or non-strip mall shopping or a playgroup with like minded parents, I have to drive 40 minutes into town. When the older Goddesses In Training were here I could be assured of at the very least an occasional stimulating conversation, even if I did have to put up with the periodic update on the latest teen tv drama. I love being at home with Goddess In Training #3 and all, but the isolation out here is enough to drive the most content of persons over the edge. What is a goddess to do?

posted by Unknown at 10:40 pm | | 0 comment(s)

Back to School - Day Two

Yes, so, I missed sharing Back to School - Day One with you. Here is a brief recap: Goddess In Training #2 wakes up at 5:00am in order to be ready for 8:00am school bus - thus dedicating more time to getting dressed and styled for this one day than she has for the entire summer combined. Goddess In Training #3 wakes up at 5:20 due to #2's pitter pattering about and demands that the teletubbies be on NOW not understanding that her awaking does not control the PBS program schedule. Just as I get GIT #3 back to sleep Prince Consorts alarm goes off and officially begins the day. 7:00am Goddess in Training #1 wakes up and proceeds to puke her guts up due to a serious case of nerves. Ahhh lovely. Fortunately after hurling she felt good enough to prepare herself for the big day ahead. 30 mintutes before the bus is due to arrive both Goddess In Training #1 and #2 are styled to the nines and ready to go. Not concerned at all about the days classes or any of that incidental stuff - both eagerly discuss whether or not their chosen outfit is perfect. Finally bus time rolls around and Goddess In Training #1 tries to board the bus with her sisters and then takes off running after it as it leaves. I catch up to her half way down the block (running slow due to the cup of coffee I was trying not to spill) and get her in the house where I serve up a big bowl of cheerios and soon she has totally forgotten about her dearly departed sisters. At the end of the day the school bus was 30 minutes late bringing them back home. By this time I was on the phone freaking out to the school asking where the hell my kids were. I can understand 10 - even 15 minutes late - but 30! I was a wreck watching each school bus go by our house and not stopping to let my kids off, noticing every strange guy I never noticed before wandering down the sidewalk staring accusingly at each one. I got a call back later that evening from the vice principal (apparently I rattled things up with my tirade) assuring me he would "look into it" and asking if the girls would be willing to come to his office and fill him in on what happened to cause the bus to be so late. I have succeeded in making my kids 11 and 12 year old whistle blowers. cool. So after all of this I am handed a few hundred sheets of paper to sign for everything from allowing my kids to take "health" classes and participate in the "puberty" section to pledging my agreement with the school discipline policy. Christ. If they only put so much effort into what they actually taught the kids at school as they do making sure that all the rules and bureaucratic bs is attended to. Ridiculous waste of time and trees. Oh, and the big fashion show went off without a hitch. Everyone loved their outfits and there was no barfing at school. hooray.

Now for today....Day Two....It started out much more calmly than yesterday. No one woke up earlier than usual which is great because I personally got zero sleep last night due to a mixture of insane heat and Goddess In Training #2 deciding that she didn't want to sleep in her own bed which means she snuggled up to me thus increasing the heat index to unbearable heights. I pray for rain and cooler weather soon. I will not be held responsible for my actions should this summer of no rain and record temperatures persist much longer. But I digress.... back to Day Two report...the goddesses were much more relaxed about today attire and seemed pretty cool about everything. They left to catch their bus on time - but it never came. I watched from my front window and waited as slowly one by one each child waiting at the bus stop gave up and left to return home. After about 15 minutes my kids returned saying they saw the bus down the street but it turned the wrong way. Great. As I put diapers on Goddess In Training #3 and dressed myself so I could drive them to school, the bus drove by and picked up the 2 remaining die-hards out of the original 10+ kids at the bus stop. It is a good thing that they opted to come come home even though they would have been picked up eventually. The school has this insane attendance policy that makes a child tardy even if it is due to the fault of the school district provided transportation! And since I signed a paper last night agreeing to this, it became my job to get them to school in time and prevent them from being punished for being late. Just a **bit* peaved about the whole situation, I told the goddesses to be sure and include this mornings BS (Bus Shit) in their report to the vice principal. I can hardly wait to hear what cock and bull story they were fed about it all. I warned them that he would make excuses and swear that they would "look into things" as he pats them on the head and ushers them out of his office. After all he is a busy man and has signatures on paperwork to verify.

Tonight is the open house for grade 6. Grade 7 is next week so I have to attend this painfully boring evening of torture twice. Next week will be just a tad bit more hellish than tonight however because Prince Consort will be off on his big bike ride all week, which means I will have to run around after Goddess In Training #3 all evening while smiling and nodding as we are welcomed to the start of a brand new school year which will certainly be the best one yet despite budget cuts and other crap. I feel like puking MY guts out now.

posted by Unknown at 10:27 pm | | 0 comment(s)